


one eye is enough !

by mercury_wings



Category: Hiveswap, Homestuck
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Quadrant Confusion, and tyzias is upset about it, basically tagora loses an eye, galekh is the only one who has a minimum control over his feelings, may be a little ooc but like....let them have feelings, tegiri is mentioned !!!!teal classmates teal classmates, thats it thats the fic, the ending will piss you off btw, the hiveswap trolls need so much more love its unreal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-07-15
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:15:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25293022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mercury_wings/pseuds/mercury_wings
Summary: Sometimes, security drones "malfunction" and hurt innocent bystanders, leaving scars which can never be undone.Tyzias is the reason of one of these "malfunctions". And yet, she is not the victim of the story, and it's breaking her apart.Tagora is the victim of one of these "malfunctions". But he is perfectly fine, and doesn't need any help from anyone ever.
Relationships: Tagora Gorjek/Galekh Xigisi, Tyzias Entykk & Tagora Gorjek
Comments: 4
Kudos: 29





	one eye is enough !

**Author's Note:**

> i really like tyzias n tagora's friendship....they are teal classmates and although they positively hate each other's guts they also care immensely for them...
> 
> inspired by the concept that it would be hella cool if tagora lost the eye he hides, because of the angst potential : )

He's sleeping. He's been doing that a lot, lately.

  
It was kind of weird, seeing him sleep so much. It meant seeing him with a neutral, relaxed facial expression, and it meant being around him without having to suffer through his endless rambling. Tyzias isn’t so sure if it was a good thing or not anymore.

  
Okay, maybe she did miss his stupid banter a little. Just a little. Because it was really weird barely hearing him once a day, and not more than like five minutes where they exchanged basic greetings and commonalities on how he was doing. He didn't even have enough strength to include any joke about money, nor any quip on how shitty she looked; hell, he didn't even complain anymore. He reluctantly gave her one, two, sometimes three words per answer if he felt generous enough for it. And that was all.

  
The only thing resembling normalcy in those exchanges was the habit she refused to drop of the little “Perish” at the end of each interaction. It still caught him by surprise every time, and she would snort as his face actually bothered morphing into something other than drowsiness, before he repeated the word with a nod. He'd throw in a half-smile too, most of the time, and although it was tiny and not crooked enough to be even close to his usual smirk, it was alright. She could work with that.

  
All in all, according to the doctors, Tagora was doing just fine. Yeah okay, maybe he slept more than he really needed to (she had uneasily listened to all the comments about “mental damage”), and his headaches persisted, but it was getting better ! Or so they said. Because to be honest, Tyzias hadn't noticed any sign of him recovering other than the significantly growing amount of food he ingested per day. He still slept all the time—he was sleeping right now !—still didn't talk about the elephant in the room, and still covered his gone eye as well as he could with his hair.

  
Even now, curled up in the recuperacoon, she can't see the wound. Given it had to be bandaged, so she wouldn't have been able to see it in any case, but he had carefully disposed most of his awkwardly cut fringe over the side of his face which made it not only impossible to distinguish the bandage but his entire head disappeared altogether. She wonders why he's so shy about it. There was literally no use in hiding it because there was nobody to hide it from.

  
Except himself, a little voice in her head argues when she notices him slightly shifting in the sopor. He wants to hide that ugliness from himself. It's hard enough having to feel it, and experience it every day when he couldn’t see properly; if over it all he had to look at the disgusting scar every time he walked past a mirror he would probably go mad. Unlike her, Tagora cared ridiculously much about his appearance—or at least used to care. 

  
He stirs again, and this time a hand shoots up to the side of his face and digs itself in jet black hair. Mildly amused, she watches as he rubs his head a few times, making tufts stand up and wiggle around in a very undignified manner before he pushes out a loud groan, flipping around. It was pretty late, and the sun was about to rise, and she had been working on a paper for a few hours now and watching over him as well. From what she had gathered, this was his first awakening of the day. 

  
So much for that religiously healthy and regulated lifestyle he loved...

  
“Gmmmmorning, sleeping beauty.” She offers when he finally pulls himself out, entire face still obstructed by hair. It takes him a little more time to rub his head and push aside his bangs (her chest slightly constricts at how fast he pulls back hair over the bandage) before he opens his eye. And scowls.

  
“What time is it.”

  
“Sun’s about to rise.”

  
“Wonderful.” His voice sounds a little choked up behind bared teeth but that's fine, she chuckles. He unsteadily navigates through the room, squinting, gets to the ablution trap and closes the door sharply behind him. With a sigh, Tyzias realizes that this was possibly the last she would hear from him in a while. He would emerge back soon, looking only slightly better, then eat a lot and scroll through his palmhusk without really answering messages, then he’d go back to sleep.

  
She honestly wonders when it’d get better. A full week had passed since the fated incident, and fine, she supposes that he still took painkillers in heaps and heaps, but like...he wasn't Tagora yet. It was a weird thing to think, but that troll didn’t feel like the one she used to know at all. Sure, he'd get back on his feet...The doctors said so. But right now, during that period of in between adaptation, she felt extremely uncomfortable.

  
So she spent most of her time at his hive when she wasn’t at the school. It was a kind of...mourning ? Well, the term felt a little extreme, but in a weirdly respectful way she found herself drawn to the unnaturally quiet hive and its unnaturally pale inhabitant. Just to be there. As a thanks for all the times he himself had spent covering up after her sorry ass during assignments and showing up at her hive at ungodly hours because, and she could quote, “you would die in a day without me”. 

  
Maybe she did owe him a lot of money she'd never be able to give back. She could however repay in...physical presence ? Yeah. That was enough for now.

  
When he emerges out of the ablution chamber with as she expected only one twelfth of the class he used to possess and a very nice looking robe, Tyzias decides to spark a conversation. Because you know, she could use a little more procrastination over the waiting essay. And she honestly hoped he could humour her a little.

  
“So, howwww’s it been ?” she asks as nonchalantly as possible, looking as his hands blindly rummaged around the kitchen for something to eat. 

  
He grumbles. “Everything’s fine and dandy.”

  
Then falls silent again, busy pulling out a packaged meal which he observes curiously. After a few seconds, he seems to judge it looked good enough, and gets down to business. But his answer was...less than satisfying.

  
“Do you do anything else but sleep ?” that was a little harsh thing to say, even if her tone was soft, he flinches.

  
“Well, I eat too.” He replies, waving a fork. From the shaky smile he sports, she is relieved.

  
“You immmmpress mmmme.”

  
“That's my job.”

  
Tagora cracks open the meal, prodding around with his fork and starts eating without more dramatics. She never thought she’d think this but in the middle of his very carefully and tastefully decorated hive, he stood out like a sore thumb. Hunched over the counter, hair wildly sticking in weird angles and eating food straight from the package with nothing else but a fork and his own spite, he looked more like Tyzias than himself right now. And god did that unsettle her.

  
“Did you get a call frommmm the doc today ?” she eventually offers again, fingers tapping over her mouse without any purpose. His visible eyebrow cocks up.

  
“Didn't check yet.” The ‘but I don’t think so' is heavily implied. Damn Tagora and his ability of heavily implying things without even saying them. As much as that ability sucked, she had to give it to him; it proved itself to be practical sometimes.

  
“Your eye itches still ?”

  
A beat of silence passes, she knows how uncomfortable he got when addressing the glaringly obvious problem. “No.”

  
That's an outright lie, and he didn't even use his professional lawyer, “trust-me-I-know-what-I-m-doing” voice to cover it up. She sighs.

  
“Look, this is for your health. Don't be immmmature about this.”

  
“I'm not being immature.” His eye narrows. “You asked me if my eye itched; I answered no because it doesn't. No need for further fucking prodding about it, okay ?”

  
She opens her mouth to scold the language, but the strength with which he stabs his food at that exact moment completely dissuades her. Damn, he certainly was not the strongest troll she knew but she swears that fork punctured through the plastic bottom of the package—it was threatening enough for her to shut up. Even if he looked positively horrible and definitely incapable of fistfighting even the smallest rustblood, the sheer spite in the only eye he had left kind of convinced her that he could in fact commit murder.

  
She wonders if that’s why the drones—

  
No. Nothing.

  
Well at least Tagora was showing signs of emotions (even if they weren't the best ones), and had found the willpower to snap at her (though she is pretty sure it was just pent up frustration at this point), so...that conversation was kind of a success, she guesses. In fact, the scowl he sported while shoving food in his mouth looked almost just like the one he used to flash her whenever she said something stupid just to rile him up. That satisfies her, in a weird relieved kind of way.

  
Tyzias decides to change the subject. “Howwww are you planning on catching up with schoolwwwwork ?”

  
“Ugh.” He pulls yet another sour face, stopping eating for a moment to stab his food a bit more. “I just will. You better bring me all the notes you took. And Tegiri's as well, because sometimes I can't understand your letters.”

  
Wow ! A developed answer with more than three words ! She grins. “You wwwwound me. But fine.”

  
“Thanks.”

  
“No problemmmm. I owwwwe you that, at the very least.” Somehow, that sentence comes out more bittersweet than she intended it to. It hurts a little, seeing the tiniest light of pain flicker inside his pupil for a split second before he grumbles a sure and stuffs his face more. If this was a normal occasion, he would’ve teased her about it and asked for extra cash.

  
But this...wasn't really normal. And they couldn't talk about it without bringing up suspicions or anything—in fact, they hadn't even mentioned it to begin with. Just through shared silent stares and glances of fear, guilt, anger, Tagora had pieced it all together in his head. And Tyzias knew that. She wanted to apologize, honestly, she wanted to explain and actually hear his real thoughts about the matter but—

  
They couldn’t talk about it. And even if they could, she is pretty sure he wouldn't be completely honest about it, because lovely Gor-Gor was incapable of expressing thoughts with genuine words. The best she could get would probably be a bunch of manic laughter (which he had given to them in good quantity when first waking up at the hospital) along with absolutely catatonic shock. That guy was a mess. Maybe even more than her !

  
“Tyzias ?”

  
She blinks. Was he going out of his way to actually speak to her ? She directs his gaze to his figure, bent and throwing the empty plastic package away before getting up again. His one eye is wide. “Yeah Sore-Gor ?”

  
For a moment, she thinks he's going to start crying. Or saying emotional stuff. Or just do something extremely un-Tagora-like all of a sudden but instead of all of that, he seems to hesitate before speaking. “When is that assignment due ?”

  
“Tommmmorrowwww.”

  
“Why am I not surprised. Entykk, you’re not even halfway done.” She almost asks him how he knows that, but stops herself when he quite literally reaches across the counter to grab the computer.

  
His hand is too far away. 

  
Depth perception.

She pushes the device towards him without any comment, but doesn't miss the way his eye narrows while a heavy grumble echoes in his throat. Without a word, she watches how he skims through the meagre three pages she had barely filled in, expression dropping lower. This...was better than having him go back to sleep instantly.

  
“Do you even understand the topic ?” she decides to ask eventually, when he pulls a little part of his hair backwards in the trademark bun he hadn't worn in a week.

  
“Your writing is so bad I almost didn't.”

  
Astonished, she isn't capable of moving as he plops down next to her, pushing the computer back in her lap. He keeps going. “Look, I know your writing often gets into too many points in one paragraph and yes, some teachers like it, but this is way too jumbled up. Take some time to precise some terms before going in your rapid fire rambling—it'll also help fill some space.”

  
Her brain blue screens there for a second. Was he...offering her advice ? While looking like he had just crawled out of a dumpster ? He had said too many words for this to be true. So she stares blankly at him instead of answering, before finally bringing up the strength to speak again.

  
“Huh. Remmmmind mmmme wwwwhy you aren’t commmming back to school ?”

  
He looks uneasy. “Tyzias, the only reason I am up and functional right now is because the sopor slime is still having a little effect. Once that's gone, I'm going straight back to sleep.”

  
“Why ?”

No answer is given, only a tired finger pointed at the mop of black hair on his face. “Oh.” She sheepishly mumbles. “The pain--?”

  
“You guessed correct. I won't say more.”

  
As he sighs, bringing a finger to massage a spot on his forehead and gestures to get back up and—leave—a knee jerk reaction forces her to stop him. “No ! Wwwwait, commmme on,” he shoots her an unnerved glare, “you can't just not talk about it.”

  
That was a miserable thing to say. “Well I just did. I do not want to bring it up again.” His voice hardens, but she swears she hears it tremble.

  
“Look, Sore-Gor, ignoring it isn't gonna mmmmake it go awwwway. You're stuck wwwwith this shit, at least let mmmme help ?”

  
“I don't need any help.” He mumbles after a small silence, hand instinctively shooting up to run through his bangs. Tyzias answers with a disgruntled groan.

  
“You look even mmmmore like a wwwweasel dipped in grease than usual, and that's saying sommmmething.” He rolls his eye at the remark which she knew he knew was accurate, but his lips stay sealed shut. “Sit your sorry ass dowwwwn and talk about your problemmmm or so help mmmme !”

  
Tagora seems to seriously consider the offer. He extends his arm forward, then back to his chest, before settling to awkwardly fold it behind his back with a little huff. It is obvious how he is struggling to regain his usual stance, standing on his toes and puffing his chest, but it didn't really change the fact that he looked like pure shit. He hadn't even bothered putting on anything else but his ablution robe, and he had a guest ! Whatever stupid act he might try to put on now wasn't going to work after that move. 

  
“I’m doing as good as one can after getting their eye shot off.” He enounces carefully, keeping his voice as neutral as possible even if clearly, the topic was making him squirm under his skin.

  
Tyzias scoffs. “So that mmmmeans you're doing bad, huh ?”

  
“...Does sleeping through the day and still feeling tired sound healthy to you ?”

  
“Healthier than not sleeping at all.”

  
His mouth twitches in an unnatural smile, showing the tips of his sharp teeth. “You said it.”

  
“But seriously,” she claps the computer shut and down on the table, to show that her entire attention was on him—and he catches up, because he somehow becomes even more awkward standing in the middle of the room, “I knowwww you suck at emmmmotional shit, but at least try to explain properly wwwwhat's going on physically, alright ? I'mmmm tired of having to snitch on you for the docs.”

  
Tagora seems at a loss for words, which appeared to have been his default expression for the week. They share yet another moment of silence while he avoids her stare like the plague, managing to shrink down on himself until he blindly feels a couch behind his leg and sits down facing her. He wasn’t running away. That makes her bite down a relieved sigh, head somehow feeling a little lighter.

  
“My eye still burns,” he slowly starts, “but less than before. I don't feel it that much when I'm in the sopor, so that's why I've been sleeping a lot. Apparently no other painkiller is that efficient, which is why it's...” she notices the way he's rubbing circles on his hand with one thumb “...hard. To stay awake.”

  
Once he deems the answer to be long enough for her to stop prodding, and short enough that he wouldn't have to talk too much, he seems to shut up. Tyzias still finds it a little too short, but well...admitting this tiny thing had been hard enough already.

  
“Okay. See ? This wwwwasn't so hard nowwww wwwwas it ?”

  
She gets no answer. Fair enough.

  
“So howww long d'you plan on staying awwwwake today ?”

  
That seems to get something out of him. “I’m not sure. I don't really see what I can do at this miserable hour of the day.”

  
“You could...” she already knows her answer, and she also knows how much he’s going to hate it, “...call himmmm ?”

“No.”

That had to be the quickest response she had gotten today, and by far ! Although she expected it, she didn't actually think his tone would be so harsh about it—in fact, he was looking at her as if she had just shat on his lusus' grave. “Don’t blammmme for proposing...” she sheepishly remarks, a little freaked out.

  
“That is for sure something we already discussed.” Oh boy, he sounded pissed. “The bottom line which I am sick of repeating is that I do not have the strength for a kismesitude right now. I'd rather write a full book on how violetbloods impacted the faygo market than deal with pitch feelings.”

  
Well, that was suddenly a lot of words for a guy pretending he didn't like talking about personal stuff. Whatever, really; she's glad it got a reaction out of him.

  
“Y'know, frommmm howwww he acts, I wwwwouldn't be surprised if he wwwwanted to flip quadrants. Just a thought.”

  
His deadpan pissed face doesn’t budge. “Are you implying I am in the need of a matesprit to get myself up ? Sorry to break your bubble, but last I checked that's not going to change the fact I have a hole in my head.”

  
“Okay geez I'mmmm sorry you're too mmmmessed up to have healthy quadrants !” Tyzias groans, waving her hands in front of her in resignation—some reaction was cool, but this drama was not what she was fishing for. Or wait. Was it ? She had been pretty annoying about it...Damn, this was all on her. And now the guy looked somehow even more tired than before, slumping back down on the couch with a loud noise of annoyance.

  
She doesn't know what to say for a while after that. Tagora was now lying on the couch, eyes—single eye glaring at the ceiling and arms uselessly dangling from his sides. Looking at him now, all tiny and melting down, she is honestly amazed at the fact that he is still alive.

  
No, but really. She had seen her fair share of badass rustbloods who had lived their whole (short) lives outside in the wild getting culled almost instantly by drones. So obviously, hearing that a way below average height (and weight, but they didn't talk about that) teal blood who by predicament should know jack shit about fighting manage to take down one of those same drones with only one eye and a gun before passing out on the pavement was less than believable.

  
Yet that’s what had happened. She didn't catch the exact details from the troll in question but well, his blood pusher was apparently still functional since he had just finished a long whine of pure frustration. Tagora Gorjek, the shittiest legislacerator she knew, had gotten in a gunfight with an imperial drone (because of her...nevermind) and he had won. And now he was right in front of her, angry about quadrants.

  
By this point, spite was probably the only thing keeping him going. Tyzias could respect that.

  
“Fine, I apologize for being mmmmean.” She eventually finds the will to say, deciding after self-reflection that he was kinda worth the bother. “But mmmmy point still stands : you gotta revaluate your quadrants.”

  
“I would have argued against that, but you do know more about quadrants than me, so I will abstain.” He reluctantly accepts.

  
“So you'll text himmm ?”

  
“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”

  
She knows exactly what's happening here : Tagora was too tired for snappy rebuttals and long debates, so he was giving her as much room to rant as possible to have something to listen to without having to answer. The attitude he took showed it all; defensive, evasive, and very very open to interpretation—in sickness like in health, he kept his stupid debate club habits. It sparks in her a little tingling feeling of joy.

  
“Okay, but even if you don't text Galekh in particular, you gotta at least contact sommmmeone. A lot of people are wwwwondering wwwwhat the fuck happened to you, y'know ?” 

  
That catches his attention. His eye slides over to her, widening a little. “...Then you're doing a very bad job informing them.”

“No—it’s not that. They wwwwant to hear it frommmm you, Sore-gor.”

  
“Me ?”

  
“Duh,” she can't help but smile at how badly he masks the happiness that fact gives him, “Because it's one thing being informmmmed, and another actually getting in touch wwwwith the concerned guy. Did you even check your palmmmmhusk for mmmmessages ?”

  
He pinches his lips. “Not recently.”

  
“See ? Hell, Tegiri cammmme asking mmmme about howwww you felt like yesterday. He said you wwwweren’t answwwwering, and that he got wwwworried.”

  
“Tegiri ? That’s surprising.” 

  
“Not really I guess, he alwwwways tried to get close to us in his kinda creepy wwwway.” She points out, reaching for her mug (today, there was tea in it). “So yeah. Try to contact people more, alright ?”

  
As she drinks, she awaits an answer which takes a little too long to come, and when she puts her mug back down she is met with one very dreadful look. “As much as I appreciate the feeling, I honestly don’t want to talk to anyone about anything right now. I don’t have the required mindset for a conversation that wouldn't go...” he makes a vague gesture, expression turning sour, “...personal, or plain weird.”

  
“I can respect that.” Apparently, he didn't expect such understanding, because his eyebrow flies to his hairline in record time.

  
“Really ?”

  
“Sure. It's wwwwhatever you're commmmfortable with. Just mmmmake sure to like, dunno, send one or twwwwo updates on doc prescriptions. You can even copy paste if you're too tired.”

  
Tagora blinks a few times, looking positively dazed. “Huh.”

  
“You should do that mmmmore.”

  
“Do what ?”

  
“Be honest.”

  
The only answer she gets to that is, unsurprisingly, a mocking snort which she is quick to match with one of her own. Be honest—what sort of stupid advice was that ? And how hypocritical from her part as well. Be honest... Right. Teal bloods lived constantly in deceit and dramatics, faking speech patterns and professionalism so much that their identities often faded away as time went by.

  
Tyzias knew that, of course. Behind the shadows though, she liked to entertain her own little thing. It was nice, having that to herself, but she wished she could share it more sometimes—make a change, allow more trolls to simply live. From observing Tagora, and even some other teal bloods like Tegiri, she had managed to draw conclusions about what they liked and disliked, some little things slipping up between legislaceration and jurisprudence, one or two kind of unauthorized behaviour. With Stelsa as well—although she knew much more things about her matesprit from living with her.

  
Enjoying these little illegal quirks was a hobby of hers, and she wasn't planning on letting it go soon. It made her feel a connection stronger than the average teal classmate bond. Especially now, sitting in Tagora's living room, watching him without his plastic smile and theatrical facade, she liked that he hadn't thrown her out the moment he had seen her. He was probably too tired for that. But she’s certain he appreciates the company, deep down.

  
Suddenly, she feels her palmhusk vibrate in her pocket, and picks it up under the other troll's curious gaze. Once it lights up, revealing a blue tinted message, she smiles.

  
“It's Xigisi.”

  
His face immediately falls back from his relaxed grin to a scowl. “Of course it is. What is he asking ?”

  
“He’s asking if you're awwwwake.”

  
“I’m not awake.” He deadpans. That pushes a sigh out of her, and she rolls her eyes along.

  
“You can't ignore himmmm forever.”

  
“I can ignore him until I don't feel like I am on the verge of passing out all the time.”

  
She couldn't really argue against that. “Can I at the very least tell himmmm you're okay ?”

  
“If you want to believe it then go off, I guess.” He answers, a little too quietly for her liking. So instead of immediately sending a reply, her fingers hover over the screen, deep in thoughts.

  
It was a bad idea. Oh yeah, it was probably the worst idea she could've ever had in this situation. But simultaneously, it felt like a genius move, too. While she was discussing pros and cons in her head, she notices that Tagora had gotten up from his seat and was actually leaving to go straight back to sleep. 

  
Tyzias can't let that happen. Gosh, he had given her more words today than in the whole week, she could not just let him dissolve back into sopor slime, never to be seen again. Even if it's going to piss him off, even if he's going to hate her so much, she finds herself unable to let him go. Not again. Not after taking away his eye—

  
“Tagora.”

  
He turns around to look at her, single eye piercing her. She taps her palmhusk. “What.”

  
“I’mmmm calling himmmm.”

  
She literally hears a sound of breaking glass when his expression shatters. “You. What.” The words are tiny. Too tiny. She expected an explosion, manic action, hysterical laughing—

Tyzias expected a show. Tagora gives her nothing.

  
“It’s only vocal.” She eventually finds herself saying, showing him the device. “You just need to talk. Please. You need to talk.”

  
The desperation of her request hits her only once she realizes how suffocating the silence was. How overwhelming the emptiness had been for a week. How all of it was her fault, and the one having to break and reconstruct themselves all over again because of her stupid actions was Tagora and not her. It hurts to think how much easier it would’ve been if the drone had found her first.

  
She snaps partly out of it when he leans to take the palmhusk gingerly, and she supposes her voice must have really been sad if he had altogether stopped complaining about her action. Hesitantly, she reaches out after his hand once he takes the device to his ear. Silence follows the awkward yearning gesture, and she is quick to retract her hand.

  
Except he catches it. He takes out his other hand from his pocket, and grabs Tyzias' fist with it. It's a weird type of hand holding, and she would've normally mocked him for being incapable of expressing correct physical affection, but right now it’s quite literally the only thing keeping her from completely dissociating the fuck out of this room. He evades her glance, and she evades his, keeping it firmly fixed on his hand. Stupid well manicured hand, stupid fingers around her wrist, stupid black nail polish. Stupid.

  
Stupid teal blood running through his body and making the tip of his fingers pulsate against her wrist. Stupid blood pusher that was still functional. Stupid Tagora, who was still alive.

  
When she finally manages to focus back on his face, he hasn't said a word in too long. He is just looking at his feet, not moving, and his hand on hers somehow squeezes a little stronger. She knows he is listening, because his mouth opens and closes a few times as if searching for an answer and not finding any. 

  
Feeling a little bad for the blue blood at the end of the line, she gets up to take it the palmhusk, but is met with a steely gaze. It said ‘I got this’. It felt fake, too, but she lets it slide.

  
He takes a deep (very alive) breath. And he says “I’m sorry.” like it’s the easiest thing in the world.

  
No answer comes for a while, apparently, because he keeps going. “I’m sorry I didn't contact you. I was and still am feeling exhausted, and unhappy with my current state. That has brought me to think it would be good to just empty my quadrants. I can’t be a good kismesis right now. Nor a good matesprit, for that matter.”

  
She watches as he takes another breath which looks like it's ripping off his blood pusher from his chest. He doesn't go on after that, just slumps his head down on Tyzias’ shoulder with a shaking exhale. There, she can feel his eyelid closing itself tightly, and the sweat on his forehead, and his greasy hair awkwardly poking her chin.

  
“Is this okay ?” She hears from the palmhusk at his ear, which was now right beneath hers. “Is this really okay ?” 

  
“No. It's not.”

  
“Then how can we make it okay ?”

  
“We can’t. Not right now.” Tagora makes a weird strangled noise resembling an unhappy chuckle. “One day maybe.”

  
Oh, Tyzias thinks. Oh. That's the only sound filling her brain. Oh. It's round, and ambiguous, and she dislikes it. Oh.

  
“That's bullshit.”

  
Oh.

  
“It’s okay that you are feeling like this. It's okay that you aren't capable of taking it all by yourself and accept it—this is a big change, a transformation of sort, and things will never be the same again.”

  
Both of them are quiet.

  
“But,” a static hiss comes in, “But, it's not okay that you isolate yourself from everyone like this. Yes, you need time alone to self-reflect on this situation, but you cannot metaphorically drown in it. Please. Let us help. Let me help. I need you to accept that you it's okay to not be okay...if that makes sense.”

  
There is another beat of silence, until Tagora breaks it with a wet hiccup. “Okay.” He says. “Okay.” And it sounds more like a sob than a word but Tyzias knows it's the best he can do right now, and that's...okay.

  
Her head is all woozy, and her face is a little too wet for her liking, and she can feel the other messing her sweater up with gross teal marks but she is too far away to react. Then nothing. Only the empty dial tone which dies out quickly enough, leaving both of them entangled and crying like wrigglers.

  
But it was okay.

**Author's Note:**

> the end is a bit rushed and i may come back to edit it one day or another but i just wanted to post this because ive had it in my wips for like a month...
> 
> hope you enjoyed ^^ dont hesitate to leave a lil comment or a kudo if you did !


End file.
